


All of the Love in the World (couldn’t save me)

by nerdguy3000



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Bisexual Spencer Reid, Episode: s08e04 God Complex, Episode: s08e10 The Lesson, Episode: s08e12 Zugzwang, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season/Series 08, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, make it gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29804550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdguy3000/pseuds/nerdguy3000
Summary: Spencer Reid was in love with a man who he had never met, one Dr. Marcas Donovan, but when things go wrong can he save the only person he ever truly loved(AKA Maeve storyline made gay)
Relationships: Maeve Donovan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 10
Kudos: 37





	1. God Complex

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is an episode tag for episode 4 (God Complex), most of this has been written so I will update daily.
> 
> Also I'm from the UK so some of my spelling and phrases may be different to how it's said in the US but I tired my best.

It had been his final attempt to fix his headaches when he reached out to Marcas, a geneticist who he sent his brain scans to try and make sense of them. The new doctor had offered him some advice and once his migraines had cleared up, they had decided to keep in touch. Marcas had confided in the young doctor about his stalker and explained that the safest way for them to communicate was using payphones and letters using pseudonyms as he wouldn’t let Spencer help him with his problems. So, every Sunday Spencer found a new payphone in the city and dialled the now familiar number, let it ring for a moment then hung up and anxiously awaited for Marcas to call back. Those moments before the phone rang were tense, he was terrified that it wouldn’t ring, that something had happened to this man who he had shared so much of his life with. Spencer found that Sunday was quickly becoming his favourite day, he found himself smiling during the week, thinking about the intellectual jokes they had made over the phone.

It had been a spur of the moment decision, after realising that it had been six months since they had started this, when he had phoned on a day that wasn’t a Sunday, he had just missed the sound of Marcas’ voice, while waiting on the phone to ring, Spencer pulled out his well-loved copy of ‘The Sign Of Four’ a shared favourite of the two. When he heard the anxiety in Marcas’ voice he almost felt bad for calling but when he explained himself, sounding very much like a lovesick teen, Marcas laughed gently and indulged Spencer in this phone call. The geneticist moved the conversation onto Spencer’s headaches and the young genius realised that it had been a while since he had had any issues, which felt fantastic. Then he had been surprised with Marcas’ own profiling ability, proving he was able to read Spencer’s emotions over the phone. He rambled on about how they had never seen each other, and how Marcas could find his FBI file photo and then realised that he had changed since that photo. As if Marcas could hear the anxiety, he cut in, reassuring the rambling agent that he also didn’t know what he looked like. They had just been having a really nice, relaxing conversation when his phone buzzed, and he had to leave for the team’s newest case.

Then they ended up on a case where a delusional doctor had been trying to attach a foreign leg to another person’s body, they had been on the case for a few days, finding more mutilated bodies. After looking at the latest crime scene, an idea dawned on him and he phoned Garcia to find the nearest payphone, after getting his answer, he looked at the agents in the area. He needed someone who wouldn’t ask too many questions, there were just some areas of his private life that he wasn’t ready to share. So instead of asking Morgan who had been giving him questioning looks, he asked Blake, hoping the newest member of the team would be less likely to question his weird antics.

However, his plan had backfired as Alex had returned as he waited on the phone call. His brain was furiously coming up with various explanations as she stalked towards him.

“What’s the deal? Something’s not right Spencer.”

“What do you mean? Why did you come back?” He knew it wasn’t a good idea to try and deflect but he did it anyway.

“Don’t answer a question with a question.” Alex was too smart to be distracted like that, he looked back at the payphone, hoping it would ring and he could be spared this conversation, but it stayed quiet, so he returned his eyes to Alex’s questioning gaze.

“Look, a while back, I had some medical issues – headaches – and there was this geneticist that I reached out to.”

“And this has to do with the case how?”

“I think my friend may be able to help me see something that we missed.” He knew he was being vague, and he knew Alex would pick up on it, but he just hoped that the phone would ring.

“You have four of the best minds I know back at the station.”

“I know but sometimes a different perspective helps me think better, ok?”

“Why are you being so ambiguous?” He felt a jolt of anxiety go through him as she caught onto his phrasing.

“I don’t know what you mean?” he tried to play it off cool, but he knew it wouldn’t work.

“You’re not using words like him or her, you’re saying things like ‘they are’, ‘my friends’.” Trust the linguist to pick up on that.

“So?”

“It begs a better question, why did you ask me to bring you here?”

As if Marcas could sense his want to escape this conversation, the phone started ringing.

“Can we just talk about this later, please?”

“No, why not Morgan or JJ?”

The phone kept ringing and he was worried that it would ring out, “Alex please-“

“Just answer the question!”

“Because they don’t know everything about me, and I don’t want them to know about… him, okay?”

A look of understanding spread across her face and she began to back off, feeling slightly bad that she had pushed him to reveal something so deep about himself.

“It’s nothing bad, it’s just personal.”

She gave him a little wave and awkwardly returned back to the SUV and gave him some privacy.

When she was far enough away, he quickly answered the phone, reassuring the person on the other end of the line and explaining the situation. It was refreshing to speak to someone on the same wavelength as him, especially during a case, he loved his team, and they were all intelligent in their own way, but everyone was so different. Speaking to Marcas was just different, they just spoke the same language and there was something so comfortable, and it helped him clear his head enough, and the conversation gave him an idea that he took back to the station. Which led to them finding the unsub and saving his latest victim. He was finally relaxing on the jet ride home, finishing off his book when Morgan sat down in front of him.

“Ok kid, out with it?”

“Out with what?

“Out with the weirdness. And the secrecy. A phone call you could only make out of a phone booth.” As much as he had confided in Alex, he didn’t feel like sharing all of his secrets in such a small space where everyone could hear him.

“I got a consultation, what’s the big deal?”

“Reid, you left the crime scene and came back with a major break. That’s one hell of a consult.”

Reid smiled and nodded, thinking back to the conversation he had shared with Marcas, “it was.”

“Alright, you don’t want to talk, that’s fine. But Listen.” Spencer looked up from his book as Derek got serious and leaned forward, “Seriously I- I feel like you and I haven’t had a chance to talk in a while, it’s nobody’s fault. It happens. But if you’ve got somebody new in your life to talk to, I’d just like to know who she is. She’s gotta be one hell of a woman to keep up with you.”

Reid smiled sadly and looked over to Alex, she clearly had told Morgan about their conversation. Part of him was glad and another part of him was a little disappointed that Morgan had just assumed it was a woman, though in their line of work they make a lot of assumptions.

“Who told you?”

“Oh just a little birdie, you might know her.”

He gave Derek a questioning look.

“Garcia told me. And she says you’ve been acting all squirrely.” They both began to laugh and Spencer found himself relaxing, “So I just filled the rest in.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Uh-huh, play on playa.” Derek made kissing noises and then moved on.

He shared a quiet thank you with Alex who just hummed back.

The next Sunday chat they had, Spencer thanked Marcas for his help with the case, a lot of it had been thanks to Marcas’ input and it just felt so right. Spencer was loving the extra time they had spent talking this week and wished it could be like this more often but the silence he heard after suggesting it made his heart drop. Oh god, he’s said something wrong and ruined this beautiful thing they had created.

“Or not?” Spencer said, trying to fix what he had said.

“Uh, I have to go.”

“But why?”

“No, it’s nothing.” Spencer could tell that was a lie.

“You’re not the only one who can read body language.” He was a profiler for god sake, “did I- did I say something wrong?”

“I um- I’m just not sure it’s safe for us to talk right now.” A topic that they had discussed many times.

“Do you think it’s going to be like this forever?”

“I don’t know Spencer. It’s not how I want us to be, I know that.”

“My team and I are really good at what we do Marcas. Why can’t you just let me help?”

“No, I can’t ask that.”

“I can help you.”

“I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing it for you, I cannot let him hurt you, because if he knew, he would-“Spencer's heart breaks as Marcas’ voice breaks and he lets out a little sob.

“Please don’t cry. I get it. I get it, ok. This is- this is how it has to be, I understand.” He just wished it was different. “Are you still there?”

“Yes, I’m still here,” Marcas’ steady voice came through the phone, putting Spencer’s anxiety to rest, “and, yes, this is how it has to be. For today, at least.”

“Ok, well I guess I’ll talk to you next Sunday. Bye.” God Sunday seemed so far away.

“Bye. Love you.”

Before Spencer could even process what Marcas has said he heard the Dial tone, that one word which held so much meaning. He picked up his go bag and started in the direction of his apartment. Love, a chemical reaction that happens in the brain, high levels of dopamine were released leaving Spencer was the giddy feeling of butterflies in his stomach every time he thought of Marcas. Almost every waking moment he thought of Marcas and their long Sunday calls where they shared ideas and jokes and books. All he wanted was to keep Marcas safe so that one day, he could hold the geneticist in his arms. It was in that moment he realised he was also in love, and one day, he would get the opportunity to look into Marcas’ eyes and tell him.


	2. The Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Reid prepares for his date with Marcas, he confides in Alex
> 
> (Episode Tag: s08e10 The Lesson)

It was another Sunday conversation, about the latest book he had recommended to the geneticist. it had been a slightly different kind of book than they had been discussing but Marcas had seemed to mostly enjoy it.

“Guess what?” Marcas asked, his voice betrayed some excitement.

“What?” Spencer asked, smiling a little at Marcas’ game.

“I think the stalker’s gone. The emails have stopped.”

“Really? since when?” Oh god, the day they had been waiting on for so long.

“Two weeks ago.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to make sure.”

“What about the phone calls?” He had to be sure, he wouldn’t risk Marcas’ life.

“No, I haven’t gotten any. No more heavy breathing on the machine, no more hang-ups.”

Spencer’s brain filled with statistics and information he knew on stalkers and he started talking to hide his anxiety, “You know, often times when a stalker’s advances are completely ignored, their erotomaniac fantasies will be diverted to a more receptive target.”

“I went to the store yesterday, I even sat in the café and had coffee without my disguise on. Something deep inside my gut tells me he’s gone. I think it’s over Spence.”

For a second his brain stopped working, he knew what this meant but he was too scared to say, “well, our instincts exist for a reason. They’re definitely a response to specific-“

“I want to meet you.”

“-environmental stimuli.”

For a moment he thought he had imagined it, he held his breath and sat quietly, wondering if Marcas was going to start talking as if he had never said that.

“Did you hear me, Spence?”

Another few moments passed as his brain stopped being able to make words and he floundered for something to say, “yeah, I-I- no I heard you.”

“Well, what do you think?” the gravelly voice that he had fallen in love with asked, “I think it’s time.”

Spencer nodded dumbly for a moment and then realised that Marcas couldn’t see him, “Yeah, I- I think it’s time too, how about I give you my cell number and we can make reservations.”

“I know this great little place in the city,” he heard Marcas say as he fumbled for his phone in the satchel.

“Oh no,” Spencer said when he pulled his phone out, looking at the time on it, “I have to go to work.”

“That’s okay, just give me your number and run, we can discuss this later. There are lives to save Doctor.” Marcas’ voice filled him with such joy that would sustain him through whatever case he was about to be faced with.

“Okay it’s 702-555-0103, I’ve got to run, text me.”

“Bye Spencer.”

And with that he was off, there was always another case but at least he had something to look forward to after this one. This case rattled him from the start, the victims looked to have been stalked and abducted, which was all too similar to what could happen Marcas, especially with them finally meeting soon, he wanted this so badly, but he knew how dangerous it could be. He knew his little rant on the jet about the habits of stalking victims had gotten the teams attention with all the concerned looks they gave him, but they let it slide. He was just so worried about all the ways meeting Marcas could go on top of his fears about the stalker, what if Marcas didn’t like Spencer once they had met. He found himself struggling to focus throughout the case, mind returning to the impending first date, Marcas had also been texting him with ideas of where they could go which hadn’t been helping. It finally caught up to him when Alex confronted him as he was working on the geographic profile in a side room.

“So, what’s with you today?” Alex asked, trying to sound casual, “is this about… phone booth guy?”

“He wants to meet.”

“Wait you guys have never met?”

He shook his head smiling sadly as he remembered the reason why.”

“Aren’t you curious what he looks like?”

“It doesn’t matter what he looks like. I mean he’s already the most handsome guy in the world to me. It’s just- what if he doesn’t like me?” It felt good to finally voice his fears to someone, it didn’t matter at all what Marcas looked like, Spencer already knew enough to be head over heels in love with him.

Alex looked out of the room to see if they were likely to be interrupted then sat down in front of the young genius.

“Why wouldn’t he like you?”

“Because I’m weird, I slouch, my hair is too long, my tie’s perpetually crooked.”

Alex gave him a motherly smile and said, “your hair’s fine.”

“Really? Thanks. My mom thinks it’s too long. So does my aunt ethel.”

“Well, you’re not dating them, you’re not even dating a woman.”

“I just- I- I just wouldn’t want to ruin something so special over something so trivial as look.” He had never felt confident about his look and he was worried it was going to ruin his most valued relationship.

“I think you’re excited but afraid.” He nodded, that made a lot of sense, “seeing him will only make the relationship better, trust me. When does he want to meet?”

“Right when we get back.”

“Do it, don’t psych yourself out.”

“We’ll see.”

Alex just gave him a look and he turned back to his profiling feeling more relaxed about the upcoming date. The rest of the case went well, they had managed to work out who the unsub was and rescued four people from the puppeteer, a good ending to a rather gruesome case. He had let Marcas know that he would be home that evening and Marcas had replied letting him know that he had booked dinner reservations in Spencer’s name, just to be safe. He spent the whole flight back reading The Frim of Girdlestone by Arthur Conan Doyle and trying to relax. By the time the team had made it back to Quantico his heart was racing, he saw them all head to the elevator making plans to go to Rossi’s as he made his way to the bathroom, he had other plans for the night.

Looking at himself in the mirror all of his previous anxieties came back, his bad posture, his long hair, his just general looks. He tried to make his tie sit right but it wouldn’t lose the slight crook, so he loved onto his hair, trying to make it look presentable, he tried briefly to fix his posture, but he knew that was a lost cause, then he heard Alex’s voice in his head, reassuring him that it was going to be okay, that his hair was fine and that he should just go for it. He stood in the elevator, tying a final knot in the ribbon he had placed around the copy of ‘The Narrative of John Smith’ that he had bought a few months earlier as a gift for Marcas for when they finally met, now that day was upon them. He was about to go on a date with the man from his dreams, and as much as it terrified him, the excitement was starting to outweigh the fear.

He took a taxi from Quantico, giving the driver the name of the restaurant that Marcas had booked for the two of them. As he exited the cab, he took one last steadying breath before entering the cozy little Italian-looking place. Giving his name to the hostess, he was glad he was the first to arrive it gave him a chance to relax and get settled, hoping that the anxiety would begin to leave him. He sat down at the table, took off his scarf, and began to fuss over his napkin when he felt his phone buzz. Fearing it was a case he looked at it to see a message from Alex, ‘ _he will love you’_ was written, Spencer smiled and took another breath, everything was going to plan.

Just as he was starting to relax, he felt the hair on the back of his neck start to stand up and he recognised the feeling of being watched. His anxiety returned but for a different reason now, there was the strong possibility that Marcas’ stalker was here, and he was about to put the man he loved in danger. He looked around and saw a man sitting in a booth staring at him rather intensely, before he had even processed what it meant, he had pulled out his phone and dialled Marcas’ number.

“Hello,” Marcas answered.

“Marcas, it’s me. Listen don’t come to the restaurant.” He said quickly, keeping his eye on the mysterious man across the room.

“What are you talking about? I’m outside.”

“Go home.” His mind was racing as he tried to decide his best course of action.

“Spencer, if you don’t want to meet me, you can just say it.” Spencer’s heart broke at those words and he could hear the frown through the phone and wanted nothing more than to run outside and gather Marcas up in his arms, but he had to protect him.

“No that’s not it, I think your stalker’s here.”

“What?” He heard the panic in the other man’s voice and wished he could be telling him anything else.

“Please just go,” Spencer begged, he would keep Marcas safe no matter what.

The defeated, “ok” he heard in return made him want to cry but he had a job to do now. If he could talk to this guy then maybe he would leave Marcas alone or do something stupid that could get him charged with a crime and thrown in jail. As Spencer walked towards the man who had seemingly cause Marcas so much misery he half wished Derek was here to help him out, like they were taking down an unsub. But just before he reached the suspicious man another man came forward and greeted the man waiting in the booth and Spencer realised it had just been his paranoia and need to protect Marcas that had led him to overact. He turned around a let out a sigh as the hostess walked toward him.

“Excuse me sir, a man just left this for you,” she said, handing him a small red bag.

Opening it up he saw a copy of the same book he had bought and was lying across the room, wrapped in black ribbon. He smiled to himself despite the situation, they were so much of the same mind. Opening it up he saw something that brought a small tear to his eye.

_‘Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another’ – Thomas Merton_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All feedback greatly appreciated
> 
> Come back tomorrow for my take on Zugzwang, tissues may or may not be required!


	3. Zugzwang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcas has been taken by his stalker, can Spencer save him in time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is, my pride and joy. This was honestly written over the course of a full day. It is the longest chapter of anything I've ever written at over 7.5k, but please enjoy!

It had been a few weeks since the failed date and their communications had gone back to being through payphones as Marcas had started to receive the strange phone calls again. But now Spencer was standing in what looked like a chapel, in a very fancy suit as an organ rendition of ‘here comes the bride’ played in the background. Looking around he sees his team sitting in a row, all dressed up smartly, smiling up at him, some were nodding, Rossi gave him a thumbs up. His brain was racing trying to make sense of what was currently happening. He turned and saw Garcia standing next to him.

“Have you the ring?” she asked, and his confusion deepened, he wanted to ask, ‘what ring?’ but then he felt it. In his hand laid a simple but elegant gold band.

“Place the ring on his finger,” Garcia ordered.

“On whose finger?” Spencer questioned.

He turned and saw another man standing before him, with his hand outstretched, he looked out toward Alex who just nodded so Spencer slipped the ring on this man’s finger, not looking up. Then he looked back to Garcia who continued.

“I now pronounce you smart and smarter. Let’s get to it, you two.”

“Get to what?” He asked dumbly.

“Kiss him, dummy.”

For the first time, he raised his gaze from the man’s hands to his face only to find a blank space.

And at that moment a speeding car woke a sleeping Spencer Reid from his rest on the couch. He sat up rubbing his eyes, as much as he didn’t put much stock in dream analysis, he didn’t need an expert to work out what that dream was supposed to mean. Looking at his copy of ‘The Narrative of John Smith’ he pushed himself off of his couch and began to get ready. It was Sunday and that meant a lovely long chat with his favourite person. He dressed himself up a little, even if Marcas couldn’t see him, it was still important to himself that he made the effort. He gathered the last of his things in his satchel and headed on the short walk to the local park where he knew there was a payphone.

It was a relatively warm day Spencer noticed as he made his way through the park at a brisk pace, he was excited to share his week with Marcas, maybe discuss some more books that they had recommended each other, though every single book Marcas suggested he had read in less than a day and thoroughly enjoyed. He reached the payphone easily and deposited the money he had prepared. He dialled Marcas’ number with practiced ease and waited until it began to ring before hanging up and waiting on the phone to ring. It always rang no matter what, it was a steady constant in their ever-changing routine. Today was no different and Spencer pounced on the phone.

“Hello.”

Instead of the steady, deep, beautiful voice of Marcas coming through the phone, a female operator began speaking, “Hello, I have a collect call from _Adam Worth,_ do you accept the charges?”

His brain began to race as he quickly agreed.

“Please deposit two dollars for the first two minutes.” Spencer frantically searched his pockets as she spoke, gathering all the quarters and pushing them into the phone. When that wasn’t enough he emptied out the contents of his satchel depositing any coins he could find until it was enough.

“Thank you,” the operator said, then the call was connected.

“Hello. I’m still here.” He desperately hoped that this was all some sort of game but in sinking feeling in his gut told him otherwise.

“Zug…zwang.” A robotic voice that would later fill his nightmares answered him.

“I’m sorry, can you please repeat that?” Spencer could feel his breathing start to quicken as anxiety filled him.

“Zug…zwang.”

As the line disconnected his world fell apart.

* * *

Instead of falling apart completely Reid calls Hotch and makes his way to the BAU as quickly as he can. Marcas has to be missing, there is no other explanation for that phone call, and with his history, it’s almost definitely the stalker. He paces inside Hotch’s officer as he waits for the older man to arrive, he is about to do a lot that makes him uncomfortable but he needs to get on with it, Marcas needs him.

“I got here as quickly as I could, what’s wrong?” Hotch asks ascending the stairs to his office.

“I need to tell you something.”

With that Hotch closes the door, seeing the frightened look in the young doctor’s eyes.

“When I was having trouble with migraine’s I reached out to a geneticist named Marcas, after time we developed a romantic relationship, but we have never met, most of our phone conversations happen with me at a phone booth and him at home. But today it wasn’t him on the other end of the phone.” Reid moved to sit down on the couch in Hotch’s office, trying to ignore the fact that he had basically just came out to his boss, and pulled out the letters they had shared from his satchel. “Our correspondence started ten months ago. He wrote me a compliment on my ‘journal of behavioral psych’ article and now for three months this is how we communicated because he was scared.”

“Scared of whom?”

“He didn’t know, only that he was dangerous. Horribly threatening phone calls, letters, emails, no matter where he moved. It’s why I never called him from the same phone booth twice.”

“And you have no idea what Marcas looks like?”

“No.”

“Or where he works?”

“No. I know he’s a geneticist.”

“Do you even know his last name?”

Spencer shook his head and a feeling of hopelessness washed over him.

“Then I have to ask you, how do you know he’s missing?”

“Because we always address our letters to our pseudonyms.”

Hotch checked the letters, “and you’re Dr. Joseph Bell?”

“The real-life inspiration for Sherlock Holmes. And that code name is how I know he’s in trouble. The voice on the phone identified himself as Adam Worth. That was the American criminal that Arthur Conan Doyle based the character of Moriarty on.”

“And what did he say to you?”

Spencer took a shaky breath, “Zugzwang.”

Hotch gave him a confused look.

“It’s a chess term. It describes the point in a game when a player realises, he’ll inevitably be checkmated. He has to decide whether to resign... or play through to the bitter end.”

“If you’re right about this, then you’re part of his victimology, too.”

“I know.”

Hotch stood and began making calls to pull the team in. He didn’t say too much, just that Reid might have a case for them but that was enough to get the whole team assembled in the bullpen. During this time Reid just sat in Hotch’s office, his brain recalling all the conversations he had shared with Marcas. All the jokes they shared, what he wouldn’t give to hear his chuckling laugh right now. But that was the problem, Marcas was gone and Spencer had to fix this.

Once the team had all gathered in the bullpen, waiting on Reid for an explanation. Spencer looks out at the faces of his co-workers and friends and bares his soul. He tells them about his migraines and how he reached out to a geneticist who helped him. He tells them about how they got closer and started communicating about their personal life. And he tells them about the stalker and about how Marcas was scared of him. And then, in the quietest and most broken voice, anyone has ever heard come out of the young Doctor, he tells them about the romantic relationship that they were developing.

“He thinks he’ll get away with it, and he might. I have a wealth of knowledge I should be applying to this case. Behavioral patterns of violent stalkers. Tactical recovery strategies. Victim survival odds. But right now, I can’t focus on anything more than four seconds at a time. Which makes me the dumbest person in the room.” He can feel the tear begin to form in his eyes again. “So, please help me. Help me find him.”

“We don’t know if we have a case, so we’ll be working on personal time. Does anyone want to leave?” Hotch takes over.

The team sat in silence, no one is about to leave, not when their genius needs them. They all look at Hotch as if challenging him to make them leave.

“Good. Let’s get to work.”

They all gather in the conference room, with various cups of coffee, all of them lost in their own thoughts. Hotch takes a quick detour to his office, collecting the letters and following the rest of his team. They all sit around the roundtable, looking to Hotch for direction.

“Let’s start with these letters written by Marcas, he may have given some clues as to the unsub unknowingly,” Hotch said, placing the letters down. Each member of the team picked a few and begin reading, it feels wrong to read the intimate letters shared between Reid and this mystery man but they need to help him.

“Based on Marcas’ description of the unsub, he seems like a classically possessive stalker.” Morgan started, looking over at Reid who seemed to be trying his best not to lose it.

“One who craves validation and recognition. ‘Why won’t you see me?’, ‘Do you think you’re better than me?’ this comes up again and again.” JJ states, flicking through her pile of letters.

“So does his suicidal ideation. ‘When I find you, I’m going to kill you, then myself.’” Blake added.

“Murder-suicide is the ultimate ‘I love you’ to these guys.”

“When did the unsub start targeting Marcas?” Hotch asked, pulling Spencer out of his thoughts.

“Marcas said it started out of the blue. My guess is it was some sort of incidental interaction, something he probably wasn’t even aware of.”

“That’s gonna make the unsub hard to find,” Derek commented, voicing the feeling of the whole group.

“And Marcas too, until we know more about him.” JJ looked up sadly at Reid she couldn’t even imagine what he was going through right now.

“I found him,” Garcia announced, drawing the attention of the group, “there are not many geneticists with that particular name, but Dr. Marcas Donovan took a sabbatical from Mendel University ten months ago.”

“That fits the timeline,” Blake nods.

“Oh, he’s a smart cookie, he burned his credit history, but his parents rented a loft in the warehouse district five days ago.”

“Did the parents sell their house recently?” Rossi asked.

“No.”

“They might be helping him hide.”

“Morgan, you and JJ go to the loft. Blake and Dave, you go to the lab.” The others began to file from the room and Hotch turned to Reid, “how clear is your head?”

“Not very clear.”

“I want to talk to her parents but I want you to observe the interview.” Then Hotch left to make the call and Reid stayed for a moment to collect his thoughts.

“Reid,” Garcia called out.

“I have a picture of him. Do you want to see what he looks like?”

Reid thought about it for a moment, it would be so easy to say yes, to fill in that blank space in his head but this wasn’t the way he gave a dejected, “no”, before getting up and following Hotch.

As they waited on Marcas' parents to arrive, Spencer’s mind wandered to the various conversations that had shared, at first trying to remember any details about the unsub that Marcas might have let slip but just ended up taking comfort in the memory of their conversations about Arthur Conan Doyle. He knew he wasn’t helping but right now he was one step away from completely breaking down and he needed to be there, he had to get Marcas home safe. Eventually, Hotch came and found him, informing the younger Agent that Marcas’ parents had arrived.

Reid stood alone in the observation room, looking out at Marcas’ parents as Hotch asked them a variety of questions.

“When was the last time you spoke to Marcas?”

“Six days ago.”

“Five, after we got him situated in the loft.”

“Why didn’t he leave the DC area?”

“I have health issues. Cancer.” His mother disclosed.

“And he wanted to stay close?”

“We were working on an oncology project together, and it was easier to share data if he was nearby.”

“You’re a geneticist too?”

“Retired, I got out when I heard there was a new Dr. Donovan in town.”

“I know this is difficult for both of you but is there anyone you suspect?”

“Bobby,” Marcas’ mother said immediately, it was a name that Reid had never heard before. If he was a suspect why hadn’t Marcas told Spencer about him?

“The police ruled him out early on, but we never liked him,” Marcas’ dad stated, a look of steel in his eye that intimidated Reid.

“Who’s Bobby?”

“His Fiancé.”

Reid let out a small gasp, Marcas had never mentioned a fiancé and while there could be so many reasons, all Spencer could think about were all his insecurities, did Marcas not feel the same about him? Why would he keep something this big a secret?

“And there were issues?” Hotch asked, covering his own shock well.

“Bobby was his first serious relationship. It was only til after they got engaged, he realised that…” Marcas’ father started.

“He was a controlling bastard. Sorry but it’s true.”

“We’ll need to talk to him,” Hotch said.

Which is how Spencer found himself barrelling down the hallway of one Bobby Putnam’s apartment building, Hotch, Morgan, and Rossi struggling to keep up with him. He knew he should take a back seat, that he was too emotionally involved but he did care right now. If this Bobby had hurt Marcas in any way, Spencer was going to lose it.

“Fiancé?”

“Reid, slow down.”

“He had a fiancé, Hotch.”

“Let us handle it,” Hotch said as they reached the door.

Morgan knocked on the door, announcing that they were looking for Robert as Rossi showed his credentials. The door was opened by a young goth-looking guy with heavy eyeliner, a lip piercing, and black hair, straightened, some of it covering his face, definitely not the person they had been expecting.

“We’re looking for Robert Putnam,” Rossi stated, looking the man up and down, “is that you?”

“No he’s in the back,” the stranger said pointing into the apartment.

“We need to talk to him,” Hotch said, the younger man stepped aside and opened the door wider, inviting them in.

“Who are you?” Morgan asked, looking around the room for any weapons or quick exits Robert could make.

“I’m Daniel. His boyfriend,” the man said, in a tone as if challenging them to say something.

“Sweetheart, who is this?” Robert said, emerging from the kitchen.

Reid spun, turning towards the sound of the voice, ready to get some answers, “Robert Putnam, we’d like to-“

He stopped in his tracks, oh god it was the guy from the restaurant, the one he had ruled out and chalked up to paranoia. He could tell Robert also recognised him.

“I know you,” he said.

“Out,” Hotch demanded, pushing Reid towards the door, the younger man being too dumbstruck to do anything about it. “Out.”

It was only once they were out of the door that Reid began to put up a fight, “wait, I need to talk to him, Hotch.”

“Why did he just recognise you?” Hotch asked, keeping his hands on Reid’s arms which had a grounding effect on the younger profiler.

“A couple of weeks ago, Marcas and I were going to meet. He was at the restaurant, I caught him looking at me and something felt off about him.” He tried to dodge past Hotch to get back inside the apartment but was stopped again.

“And you’re telling me this now?”

“I didn’t know who he was and then his friend of his sat down, so I just assumed I overreacted.” He was getting increasingly frustrated, he had to get in there and help find Marcas.

“Reid, if he is the unsub, you’re a material witness. You can’t be in there, you know that. Stay here.” Logically Spencer knew all of this, it didn’t stop him from wanting to get in there and question ‘Bobby’ himself. But Hotch turned back towards the door and Reid knew that there was nothing he could do. So instead of waiting right outside the door and decided to go out and hope the fresh air could kickstart his brain into working.

He was just pacing, his head finally filling with survival statistics that were just stressing him out more. For the first time in a while, he felt a migraine coming on, all he wanted was just to hear Marcas’ voice. He didn’t even hear Daniel approach from behind until he spoke.

“Excuse me, Doctor.” Reid turned around to face the other man, “Agent Hotchner said he was done with me upstairs. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Thankfully before he had to answer Morgan came up and addressed the question, “we’ll be in touch, sir.”

The man took the dismissal, so it was only Morgan and Reid standing on the sidewalk.

“Alright kid, talk to me,” Derek said.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you my bisexual,” Reid stated quickly.

“That’s not what I meant pretty boy, that doesn’t matter to me, but I can tell you’re adding something up in your head. What is it?”

“2,412,” Reid said so quietly Morgan almost missed it.

“What?”

“That’s the number of hours we spent communicating, counting phone calls and letters,” Reid stated, still pacing with anxiety.

“That’s about 100 days.”

“100.5. But what if that’s all I get?”

“Well, it’s not,” Derek said, so confident that Spencer almost believed him.

“You can’t say that.”

“Yes, I can. Because when we find him alive and you finally get to lay your hands on him, what’s the first thing you’re going to say to him?”

“A couple of months ago, we were getting off the phone and he said, ‘bye, love you’. Just like that. ‘Bye. Love you.’ I know it was just a slip but-“

“He still said it, Reid, he said it.” There was a moment of silence. “You didn’t say it back to him, did you?”

Spencer shook his head slowly, “I was waiting for when we finally met.”

Morgan placed a hand on Spencer’s shoulder, “you will get the chance to tell him. We’re going to get Marcas back, and then I’m going to tell him all the embarrassing stories I can think of. It's my duty as a big brother.”

For the first time since the phone call, Spencer smiled, a little half, broken smile, but a smile nonetheless.

* * *

They were back in the BAU, Garcia has the pictures from Robert and was trying to find any clues as to who the unsub was now that Robert had been ruled out. He had been washing up a mug when JJ approached him with one of the stalker's pictures. They walked towards the bullpen as they talked, “I don’t get it. I mean, I see the message, ‘I’m obliterating you’ but we already knew that.”

“No, see, it’s not about the message, it’s about the medium, what he used to draw on his face,” JJ explained, “Spence, it’s black eyeliner.”

“Black eyeliner,” he said mostly to himself before taking off, running up to Hotch’s office with long strides.

“Hotch, did you ever identify me to Bobby Putnam’s boyfriend?” Reid asked, as soon as he entered.

“What?” Hotch asked confused.

“Did you say my name to him? Did you call me Dr. Reid or Agent Reid?”

“I never mentioned you at all, why?”

“I think I know who the unsub is.”

“Daniel,” Hotch said, catching up to some part of Reid’s train of thought. “What makes you say that?”

Reid showed Hotch the photo, “black eyeliner, just like he was wearing, inserting himself into the investigation, he probably went after Bobby to try and get lose to Marcas and that’s most likely how he learned about our relationship.”

“Okay, let’s take Morgan, head back over to the apartment.”

When they arrived, instead of finding Daniel as they had hoped, there were clear signs of a struggle, blood and broken glass on the floor. Hotch stepped out to call the local cops as the other two began to comb through the apartment.

“What have we got?” Hotch asked after talking to the local cops.

“Well, he knew we were close, so he came back for the fiancé,” Morgan began, giving Reid a moment to gather his thoughts.

“Looks like they had a normal conversation, then he got violent, same thing that happened to Marcas.” A wave of anxiety crashed over him, but Morgan’s phone began to ring so he focused on what Garcia had to say instead.

“Hey, Dollface, what do you got?”

“An identity that’s pure vapour. Daniel Huntington is a fake name, so is his address, and all the phone conversations he had with Bobby were from a burner phone.” The news made Spencer’s heart sink.

“All right, keep digging and keep us posted,” Hotch said before turning to the team, “We need to rethink parts of this profile, it's starting to look less and less like an alpha male trying to assert dominance in the traditional sense. It also clearly isn’t a hate crime motivation.”

* * *

They were back around the roundtable, Reid could feel himself slipping further into hopelessness, praying to whatever god he didn’t believe in that Marcas would be okay.

“Okay male stalking victims are rare, and there’s very little data on gay men stalking gay men.”

“Okay, what tops the list of motivators?” Hotch asked the group assembled.

“Prior sexual intimacy,” Morgan answered.

“Erotomania?”

“No, go the other direction. Broken male ego, we slept together, you broke up with me, now I’ll do anything to get back at you.”

“Reid, could that fit Marcas?” Hotch asked. “Could he have possibly had a relationship with this man?”

“He shook his head, no remember what his parents said, he hadn’t had another serious relationship before Bobby. What’s the second most common motivation?”

There was a hesitation before JJ said, “Celebrity stalking.”

“That fits better.”

“Well, how?” Alex asked, “he’s not famous.”

“Marcas is a star in his field though, he also garnered some attention being openly gay in a heterosexual dominated field.”

“That’s a stretch, celebrity stalkers are usually nonviolent,” Rossi stated.

“You want to tell that to John Lennon, Rossi?” Reid was getting increasingly frustrated, they didn’t have a lot of time, Marcas could already be dead. “What was it that Mark David Chapman said after he shot him? ‘It was like all my nobody-ness and all of his somebody-ness collided.’ Well, Marcas is a somebody and this bastard is a nobody.”

He saw the concerned looks coming from his team and knew he was finally losing it, he shouldn’t have shouted at Rossi but he just needed Marcas to be okay.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from. Um, I can’t be very helpful right now, I should leave.” He was pacing and he felt his breath getting away from him, but he felt so useless.

“Reid. Reid, yes, you can.” Morgan said, trying to pull his focus away from his spiralling thoughts. “You have 100.5 days of communication with the guy and your brain lets you recall every word verbatim.”

“He probably revealed details about the unsub to you and neither of you noticed.” JJ took over, trying to calm him down so he could focus.

“There’s too much of it and I can’t sort through it with any clarity.”

“Then pick one of us and we’ll go through it with you,” Hotch said matter-of-factly, leaving the final decision up to Reid.

He took a moment to consider the implications and who he would be able to relax around enough, “Blake.”

“Ok,” she said nodding, before standing, “let’s get out of here.”

They ended up in a park, in front of a chessboard, Spencer wasn’t sure what she was trying to do but was glad to be out of the conference room, he was beginning to feel like he was being suffocated and Alex seemed to understand that.

“You want to talk here?” he questioned.

“Yep.”

“You play,” Spencer asked, trying to relax.

“Yeah, I know my way around a board but that’s not the point. I want you to focus here and not on my questions.” Trust the linguist to understand how to get him to communicate.

He looked at her to take the lead.

“So let’s try this out,” she said, moving her pawn, “when you think of Marcas, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?”

“Thomas Merton.”

“What about him?

“In his letters, he would always sign off with a quote from one of his favourite philosophers. Camus, Volaitre, Plato. When we had the near-miss at the restaurant a couple of weeks ago, he left me a book with a quote by Thomas Merton written inside. It said ‘Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another’.” The memory brought a tear to his eye.

“Then, Thomas Merton was his way of saying goodbye.”

They talked a little more about the letters they sent and how their communication always felt effortless.

“So, if you too had this deep connection, where you were talking in your own code, why do you think the unsub attacked the fiancé first?”

“I don’t know, access, maybe?”

“No something links the two of you in the unsubs mind.”

“He wants to destroy anyone Marcas had a romantic relationship with?”

Alex nodded, “it could be jealousy or revenge. Maybe Marcas got in the way of one of his old romantic relationships?”

“It’s just not him.”

“Did you guys ever compare lists?” Alex prompted. “The different people you dated?”

“November 4th, 3:46 pm, I asked him if he dated a lot growing up. He said, ‘no way, do you know how many Friday nights I had where it was just me and a microscope.’

‘I thought that was just me.’

‘Oh come on, they must have adored you in high school.’

‘I was 12, it was kind of confusing, once I got a note from this girl I had a crush on. She thought I was cute but would only meet me if I wore a blindfold. I did and she took my shirt off. That’s when I heard the laughter. Most of the senior class was in there.’”

“Oh, it sounds awful,” Alex said, pulling him from the memory.

“Marcas thought so too, he promised that when we finally met, he’d make blindfolds fun again.” Spencer laughed a little at the memory of that conversation.

He shared another anecdote about a joke Marcas had made about euclidian geometry that had made Spencer laugh until he couldn’t breathe. He needed to find Marcas and tell him how much he loved him.

“What about co-workers? Marcas was openly gay at Medel University which can be scary. What was it like for him?”

“He once spoke about the awkwardness of being the only openly gay man in the department of other men. He said they were jealous and found that in some cases they wanted to take it away so he couldn’t have it, that the institution turned people against each other.” Then a realization dawned on him, “what if the unsub worked there but wasn’t a doctor? What if he was a grad student, working on his Ph.D. there?”

“Yeah, but how could Marcas miss him?”

“Each of the doctors has their own project. Each project has its own team of research assistants. They don’t mingle but they’d be the first applicants for an open position.”

“And if Marcas rejected his thesis, the unsub would take it personally.”

“And that rejection has become an obsession to possess.” They finally had a lead to follow, something that could help them find Marcas. Alex phoned the team so they could get started looking for the identity of the unsub.

“Spencer, look at me,” he looked up from his shaking hands, “we are going to find him, okay?”

“I hope you’re right Alex but I can’t stop thinking about all the ways this could go wrong.”

“You two are meant to be together, and come hell or high water, you two will get on that date you were supposed to have a few weeks ago.”

He gave her a weak smile but it was enough for right now. They both stood and headed back to the BAU, walking in silence. Alex would do everything in her power to protect the young man beside her, she was confident they could find Marcas.

* * *

They arrived back in the conference room a few moments before Garcia arrived, saying that she had found the unsub.

“His name is Daniel Turner, he worked as a research assistant at Mendel University while Marcas was there,” Garcia informed them, putting his picture up on the screen.

“Did he apply for his Ph.D. there?” JJ asked.

“Yeah, he was one of a bunch of internal applicants that got rejected.”

“Looks like he left not long after Marcas did,” Rossi commented.

“Correct, he now works at a local junior college,” she said sitting down.

“Dave, You, Reid, and JJ take the residence. Blake and Morgan take the campus,” Hotch ordered but Reid was only half listening.

“What was his doctoral thesis about?” Spencer asked.

“It says here, ‘Spontaneous Cellular Death In Suicide Patients’,” Morgan answered.

“There’s his suicidal ideation again,” Blake commented.

“Except cells don’t react that way, why is he so obsessed with it?” Reid questioned aloud. “Garcia, could you find me a copy of that thesis?”

She nodded and everyone sprung into action, splitting off into groups. Just as they were about to leave Garcia returned with a stack of papers and handed them to Reid. He had an idea of how to save Marcas but he needed to understand everything there was to know about Daniel and his thesis would help. As Rossi drove, Reid sat in the back seat, reading through the paper that was full of scientific errors, no wonder Marcas had rejected it. While he didn’t know everything about the topic, Reid could see where Daniel had gone wrong on so many occasions. They arrived all too quickly at Daniel’s apartment, SWAT went in first clearing the rooms to make sure it was safe for the rest to enter. As soon as they entered Spencer could see why Daniel had been so obsessed with suicide.

“Is this a shine to his dead parents?”

“His parents committed suicide. That explains his obsession.”

“Guys, he’s watching us,” Rossi stated pointing to the camera in the corner of the room.

It was now or never so Spencer looks for a notebook as JJ phones Garcia to see if she can hack the webcam. He can hear Garcia struggle over the phone when he finds a notepad and scribbles the words ‘me for him’ on it.

“What are you doing?” Rossi asks, turning his attention from JJ to Reid.

“Making a deal,” Reid replies with some finality.

Then he walks towards the camera with a calmness that he isn’t feeling and holds up the sign. He has to be looking, he wouldn’t get up a camera not to use it. They don’t have to wait long until Daniel’s home phone rings.

“Hello,” he says as soon as he picks up the phone, a sense of déjà vu washes over him, he was in a similar position just this morning.

“It’s me,” the voice of his dreams replies. Spencer almost cries in relief, Marcas is still alive, he can work with that.

“Are you okay?”

“He killed Bobby.” He sounds so broken and Spencer just wants to make it better.

“Are you okay?” Spencer repeats.

“Yeah, I’ve got a concussion and some bruising but I’m okay.”

“Can I talk to him?”

“No. But he’s listening.”

“Good, I want to meet him, I need to see him face to face.” He was beginning to put his plan into action.

“He has a message he wants me to give you.”

“What is it?”

“The message is, ‘he left you a present, and if you want to find it, it’s easy as pie.”

“What does that mean? I don’t understand what that means.”

“Neither do I, Spencer, it’s a trap, if you come here, he’s going to kill you!” He hears a brief struggle before the line disconnects but he has to believe that Marcas will be okay.

He turns to Rossi and JJ, “I need a map of the city.”

* * *

The whole car ride back to the BAU he begins to formulate his idea for finding them, the pie reference was clearly supposed to represent the mathematical Pi and he only needed a few points on a map to be able to find the general location then he could profile the rest of it. His leg shook the whole time as his brain worked quickly to come up with a plan on how to save Marcas when they found out where he was being held. When they arrived back at the BAU someone had pinned a map to an evidence board and Reid started to get to work immediately.

“This is Daniel Turner’s apartment,” he said, placing his pen on the map, explaining his theory to Hotch, “this is the nearest cell tower her phone call to me pinged off. Which means this,” he began to draw a circle using a compass, “is the circle Marcas was telling me about.”

“What circle?” Hotch asked, a little confused at Reid’s reasoning.

“It was a clue in Daniel’s message, finding him would be as easy as pie. Only he wasn’t referring to the food, he was referring to,” he began to write the first few digits of Pi on the board.

“Pi,” he heard Garcia say from behind him.

“Why would Daniel give you a clue?” Hotch asked.

“Marcas made a similar pun once. Now Daniel wants me to see him the same way. But brilliant, the smartest person in the room.”

“All right, assuming that Daniel has a secondary location, where in the circle would he hold Marcas?”

“He’d need a building that would allow for privacy and control, a closed garage for prisoner transfer…”

“If he’s copying Marcas’ life, it might be close to Marcas’ apartment.”

“There’s nothing in Daniels's name,” Garcia replied from across the room.

“What about Marcas’ or even Bobby’s? Maybe he forged the signature.”

“Nope.”

“What about Daniel’s parents?” Reid asked.

“Yes, Yes. Daniel rented a loft right next to Marcas in his parent's name.”

Hotch moved a few steps away and called Reid over, “I can’t let you be part of this takedown.”

“We don’t have a choice, if I don’t go in there, Marcas is dead.” Spencer would not let that happen.

“And if you do, you’re dead.”

“Hotch, we’ve known from the beginning, he’s on a murder-suicide mission but we never stopped and asked why he’s on that mission. We know now it's because he wants recognition, the type of recognition he thinks Marcas gets, and I can give her that.”

“How?”

“I’m gonna tell him that I love him.”

* * *

Surprisingly Hotch agrees to let Reid continue with his plan, though he doesn’t see any other way to resolve this peacefully. The rest of the team are also reluctant to let him go in alone but they know he won't take no for an answer, and at least this way they can provide support quickly if things go downhill. As they pull up, SWAT has already arrived but Spencer doesn’t care, he just needs to get in there and get Marcas out no matter the cost. He’s out of the car as soon as it stops, gun drawn.

“Hold on, I’ve got a box on the steps.” Hotch puts a hand out but Spencer ignores him, Daniel hasn’t gone to all this effort just to blow him up.

“That’s the gift,” Spencer says, holstering his revolver and opening the metal gate. He picks up the box and opens it, inside sits a plain black blindfold.

“What is that a blindfold?” Morgan asks.

Before he can answer the intercom crackles to life and Daniel says, “Take your gun and vest off.”

Without a moment's hesitation, he starts ripping the vest off, placing it by his feet, keeping the blindfold in one hand.

“Now come in alone.”

He begins to pull out his gun when Hotch calls his name, he looks up at his superior as he hands his revolver off. They share a look of understanding before Reid makes his way inside the building to confront Daniel and save Marcas. He takes his time ascending the stairs unsure of what he’s about to find. A figure stands in the doorway, pointing a gun at his chest and for a moment he wonders if he made a miscalculation and is about to be shot down. Then a gruff voice says, “put it on.”

He looks down at the blindfold and wraps it around his head, he hears footsteps as Daniel gets closer then he grabs him by the arm and leads him further into the building. It’s a short walk with a gun pressed to his back.

“Can I take the blindfold off?” he asks after a few turns.

“No,” Daniel replies then pushes him down into a chair.

“Hello,” he says into the room.

“Hi,” Marcas replies and Spencer could honestly jump for joy but he has a very different game he needs to play.

“I was hoping you would figure out my riddle,” Daniel said, shattering the brief moment of bliss he had felt hearing Marcas’ voice. Daniel starts rubbing Spencer’s shoulder then moves down to caress his chest, “I mean, I knew you would. The fun was just how fast you’d do it. All this and brains too.”

“It took me a long time. To be honest, I was distracted by your thesis.” He didn’t want to, but he knew he was about to have to hurt Marcas. They could talk about it later, once Marcas was safe.

He felt Daniel remove his hands from him, “you read my thesis?”

“I did. You know, I think your writing puts you on the same plane as Jonas Salk. I’ve already sent it to the NIH.”

“Flattery is not going to get you out of this, I know what’s waiting for me outside.” Daniel was getting agitated and Spencer needed to keep him calm.

“I’ve arranged for your freedom.”

“The federal government doesn’t make deals with people like me.”

“Not true. Nazi scientists were recruited for the Manhattan Project. Mafia bosses are regularly put into witness protection.” These were all believable stories that he hoped would prove his legitimacy. “If what you have is valuable enough, the federal government will work with you. And what you have is very valuable.”

Daniel tilted his chin up with the gun, “and what do I have doctor?”

“You have a brain that doesn’t play by normal societal rules. And I know that all your life, the people that care about you the most keep leaving.” He was speaking from experience now, but that sincerity was important. “And there’s a part of you that thinks it’s because of that brain. Well, I’m here because I’m not going to leave you. I’m here because… I just hope that I get the chance to.”

“Chance at what?” Daniel demanded.

Now or never.

“To be with you.”

It was like he could hear Marcas’ heart break but he had to keep going.

“Me for him, that was the deal, right?”

“You’re choosing me over him?” Daniel asked.

“Daniel, how could it be anyone else?” The words almost made him sick but he was desperate to save Marcas.

“Prove it.” He said simply.

“All right, how?” Spencer sat terrified at the response he might get.

“Say it again. This time say it to his face.” With that Daniel whipped off the blindfold and Spencer got his first look at the man who he could truly say was his soulmate. The most beautiful brown eyes stared back at him, his pale skin was marred with bruises and all Spencer wanted was to hold the smaller man in his arms, but he still had a job to do.

He felt tears prick in his eyes, “I don’t love you. Sorry.”

The opposite of the first thing he had wanted to say to Marcas’ face.

But with all his beauty and intelligence he just looked back and said, “I understand.”

Then Daniel moved towards Marcas, “I don’t need him anymore.”

“Kill him and he won’t have to live with the fact that you’re smarter.” As the gun was levelled at Marcas’ forehead he hoped this final plea would work. “Let him live with his own irrelevancy.”

To Spencer’s secret delight, Daniel removed one of the zip ties. However, paused before he could remove the final one. “There’s one more thing I want him to see.”

Daniel stalked towards him, holding the gun in his grip loosely and for a moment he thought he was about to die. Then Daniel started kissing him, it was rough and uncomfortable, and Spencer tried to reciprocate but he wasn’t sure what to do. He had his eyes open when Daniel opened his and suddenly pulled back.

“Liar.” Daniel moved to stand in front of him, gun pointed at his chest, “Liar!”

Then Spencer moved, point the gun upwards and Daniel pulled the trigger, he could see Marcas struggling to get free and held on just a little longer. He tried desperately to wrestle the gun out of Daniel’s hand but it went off again, hitting him in the arm and sending him to the floor. Everything was falling apart in front of him, he could hear the footsteps of his team but that was the last thing he needed right now. He looked up from his arm to see Marcas being used as a human shield, gun to his head and fear filled his whole body. He didn’t know how to talk his way out of this one. And Marcas was going to die because he didn’t know how to kiss someone.

“Stay back,” he kept yelling at his team, struggling to his feet with one hand pressed against his wound.

“Daniel, Daniel, there is still a way out of this.” He tried to plead but he didn’t know how successful it would be.

“You never wanted me. Never! You lied!”

“I didn’t, Daniel, I offered you a deal you can still take it.” He could see the fear in Marcas’ eyes and he knew in that moment he was ready to die for him, “me for him, let me take his place.”

“You would do that?” he asked, enraged.

“Yes.”

“You would kill yourself for him?”

“Yes,” he said, every word was the truth, if it meant Marcas could live, he would shoot himself.

“Thomas Merton.” Marcas looked into his eyes and Spencer saw a disturbing calm.

“Who’s Thomas Merton?” Daniel demanded.

“He knows,” Marcas said, his final goodbye.

Spencer felt the tears begin to fall down his face, there was nothing he could do to save Marcas now, everything he had tried had failed.

“Who’s Thomas Merton? Who is he?” Daniel screamed again but Spencer had stopped listening, he was trying to memorise every beautiful feature of Marcas’ face, the scrappy stubble that covered his face, the way his nose sat, the straight brown hair that was short enough to stay out of his eyes without any prompting until Spencer’s own mess of unruly hair.

“He’s the one thing you can never take from us.” Spencer's brain had stopped working, he just looked on as the chaos unfolded.

“No.” Daniel moved the gun which spurred Spencer into action.

“WAAIIITT!”

A gunshot echoed through the room.

For a moment Spencer thought it was all over but coming towards him was a very much alive Marcas Donovan, who fell into his arms, holding on tight to the young doctor who was too shocked to do anything except hold him back. Looking over he found Daniel lying dead, with a bullet in the side of his head, at the last moment, Marcas had managed to jerk himself out of Daniel’s grasp. As the adrenaline left them, both Marcas and Spencer collapsed to the floor, the latter wincing as the movement jostled his arm.

His team moved around him, securing the gun, making sure Daniel was dead, he heard Alex call for a medic as she knelt down next to them and began to apply pressure to his wound but there was still one more important thing to say.

“Marcas, I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bury-your-gays is for the weak! Also, Spencer deserves to be happy.
> 
> All feedback appreciated and wanted!
> 
> Only a little epilogue to go but it's gonna have fluffy gay stuff so come back tomorrow


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcas and Spencer finally get to spend some time together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a small little epilogue to finish up the longest fic I've ever written

Alex led them both out, a gentle hand on Reid’s elbow as Marcas grasped the hand on Spencer’s uninjured arm and refused to let go. Alex had smiled when she noticed but refrained from making any comment. She guided them gently toward the ambulance that was sitting on the street.

Once she got them situated with the paramedics she turned to Reid, “I need to go help with the clean-up, are you two going to be okay?”

“Oh yeah, it’s barely a scratch.” He said gesturing to his arm.

She looked between the two young men, smiled to herself, and then left them alone.

They spent a moment in awkward silence and then Marcas turned towards Spencer, reaching up a hand and running it through Spencer’s messy curls then resting his hand against Spencer’s cheek causing the genius to blush, “thank you for finding me. And thank you for what you were willing to do for me in there but I would never want you to die for me.”

Spencer smiled, “I’m just glad you managed to get away from Daniel in time. I would have hated for the first and last thing that I said to your face was that I didn’t love you because it’s not true, I very much do, love you that is, I mean as long as that’s okay with you.”

Marcas placed a gentle kiss on Spencer’s lips. “I hope that dispels your fears.”

Spencer just smiled dopily at him, not noticing JJ and Derek approaching the ambulance.

“Hey there lover boy, are you gonna introduce us?” Derek said, laughing at the seemingly perpetual blush that was now stuck on Spencer’s face.

“Derek, JJ this is Marcas, Marcas, these are my friends and lifelong bothers, Derek and JJ.”

Marcas held out his hand to them, “it’s a pleasure to meet you both, I’ve heard so much about you.”

Derek raised his eyebrow as he shook Marcas’ hand, “only the good things I hope.”

“Is there any bad to tell?” Marcas asked.

“Oh yeah, pretty boy, I like him,” Derek said.

Marcas face suddenly split into a massive grin, as he turned to Spencer and repeated, “pretty boy?”

“Oh please don’t ask.”

Just before Derek starting talking JJ muscled in, shaking Marcas’ hand, “I’m sure you’ll hear all about it later, but for now, I’m just glad you're okay. Spence was ready to move Heaven and Earth to find you.”

Marcas looped a hand around Spencer’s waist and smiled, how did he get so lucky?

After both men were checked out by the paramedics and declared okay, they made the journey back to the BAU so Marcas could see his parents and everyone could gather their things to leave. Spencer gave Marcas some privacy as he reunited with his parents, instead he spent the time thanking the various members of the team for spending time on their day off helping him get Marcas back. They all very much agreed that they were more than happy to help him and they were glad Marcas was okay. Rossi had invited everyone, especially Marcas, to his house/mansion next weekend they were free so they could get to know the partner of the mysterious Spencer Reid. He had laughed but agreed to it.

Finally, Penelope caught up to him, he hadn’t had an opportunity to talk all day and he wasn't sure what her reaction was going to be with the secret he had kept from her and the team. He was sitting at his desk when she walked up to him and placed something small on his desk, he looked at it and saw it was a little bisexual flag pin. He looked up at her with a questioning look, he had literally only told everyone today.

“How did you get this so quickly?” He asked.

“Oh this badge is special, it is passed down from an elder bi to a younger bi.”

“You too huh?”

“Yeah, you’re not the only queer in the office, and if anyone gives you any problems, let me know,” she said, giving him a pointed stare and placing a hand on Spencer’s shoulder.

“Thank you, Penelope.”

“Now go find that man of yours and get some sleep.” She gave him one final pat on the shoulder and headed back to her office to finish up for the day.

He took her advice, standing and heading to find Marcas, hoping that he hadn’t left with his parents yet. He just need to check he was still okay, Marcas had almost been taken from him today and he didn’t want to even think about how that would feel. Even though they had only known each other a new months, Spencer couldn’t imagine life without Marcas. He turned the corner into an interview room to see Alex and Marcas talking.

“Oh Spence, hey,” Marcas called out, waving him over.

“Sorry, we’ve just been talking about the works of Arthur Conan Doyle, a literary great. Oh and I hope you don’t mind but I told Marcas about Rossi’s party,” Alex said, giving him a very innocent smile.

“Oh yeah.” He turned to Marcas. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“No, I’m excited to finally meet your team properly instead of after being held hostage,” Marcas joked lightly.

“Well, I’ll leave you both to it.” Alex smiled at them both and made her exit.

They stood for a moment in the silence, just looking at each other, both still a little shocked at the day’s event.

“So, I sent my parents home and then remembered I don’t really have anywhere to go.”

“You can stay with me,” Spencer said quickly, “I mean if you want, and I- I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Marcas placed his hands on either side of Spencer’s face, “I don’t want to sleep alone tonight, but I do want to sleep.”

Spencer nodded and together they walked out, hand in hand, safe.

_Stay for a moment and heal with me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final quote is from 'All the Love in the Word' by Lily Kershaw from my Spencer Reid playlist, ironically called Zugzwang

**Author's Note:**

> All feedback welcome and appreciated. 
> 
> Also, I used the Irish spelling of Marcas as Maeve is an Irish name and I wanted to stick close to that.


End file.
